Elliott says

As we wait for Daddy to come home from work.

Elliott says, "Mommy, I love Daddy."

I reply, "I love him, too. That's why I married him."

"Oh, can I get married?"

"Well, when you grow up, maybe you will meet a nice lady."

"But Mommy, when I grow up, I am going to be a dog."
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Elliott has just been put in time out. Through his tears, the stubborn little boy is trying to think of something shocking to say to me. Out of that sweet little mouth comes his version of cussing, a line from Toy Story:

"S-s-s-omeone's p-p-oisoned the WATER HOLE!" he sputters.

Different day, but again, in Time Out.

Me "Time out, mister! When the [digital] timer looks like oh oh oh, you can get off of the chair."

Elliott matter-of-factly correct me: "Zero zero zero"

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Describing a sunset:
"And the sun climbed up a ladder and SPLATTED on the window!"

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Elliott's version of following directions.

Mommy says "How many times do I have to ask you to do something, before you actually do it?"

Elliott, thinking, "Four."

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So, we get "Go Potty Go" from the library, hoping for a poop breakthrough. We didn't get one. But he did like the potty song. The potty song goes like this:
"Babies need diapers, and that's okay. I'd rather be a big kid doing big kid stuff all day."

Elliott's version goes like this "Babies eat diapers and nuts. OK?" And then he trails off..."Mommy does Gwynnie [younger cousin] eat popcorn? She eats butter in her mouth."

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Preschool teacher to me, "Elliott told us you're having a baby. Congratulations!!"

Me "What."

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Elliott receives a balloon animal at a Christmas festival. He peers at it intently. At last, he speaks.

Er, bellows.

"I AM A TALKING ELEPHANT. I WANT TO GET PAID."

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Age is one of those intangible things. When in doubt, just change it.

"I'm 21, Daddy, can I have a drink of a beer?"

"I'm 12 now Mommy, I'm just going to sit in the front seat, ok?"

"Can I drive? I am 16."

"Mommy, I'm 4, I can have coffee now!"

Yeah, that last one... we may have told him that it's cool for 4 year olds to drink coffee. You know, when he was 3 and that 4 year old mark was just eons away.